As Emeril would say..."BAAM"

*Slap on the hand*

I have not felt like blogging in the last few days. this whole relationship situation has totally racked my brain. i am lost as to what is going on this week. i am trying to be civil, hold my emotions back, and be a good person AND ultimatly make good decisions for myself.

addition to my drama: so, those who have heard the story....after a week of my distress - deciding to "get over it" and be nice, i receive confirmation news from the BF.

background: several weeks ago H said that he would be going to the beach with his frat buddies from college (some engaged, some married, some single) and they would be staying with a friend. it would be a weekend excursion to get away. i did not put up a fight - he has a life too, and i understand. if i opposed, i wouldn't be able to go to the beach with my friends if the opportunity came up...

after a week of me - stressing totally out - H tells me today that he will be going to the beach. the newest news is that he only told them he wouldn't be able to make it because

1. he may have to move into his apt over the weekend
2. if they had strippers he would not go

why are strippers apart of this anyway? he proceeds to tell me this is kind of the 'bachlor' party for 2 of the guys going! hmmmm, not cool.

this is the time i would hope that he would be concerned about us re-uniting and working out this issue...or, since i did tell him i don't know what he can do right now to make it better - at least NOT go to the beach, and try to spend some time with me! hello!

i know that men are from mars, women from venus...but really? you know better.

why should i be the moral police of his best decisions. he hasn't had trouble yet making them on his own (well, except months and months of doing something i oppose of). humph.

am i really going to have to request tonight that he cancel his plans with his friends to spend time with me because this IS NOT THE TIME to trapse away to a bachlor party while i am still in shock and this relationship has been put into a whole new perspective.

the stragest is this is new behavior for us. what up?

all i know is that i can't hold up for months at a time in the state of mind. i feel like i am the one being punished and i haven't even done anything wrong....

So, as the title shows as Emeril would say..."BAAM" in my face for no reason.