2 Year Cycles

a friend and i were discussing the 2 year cycle theory. it seems that everything in life has a 2 year cycle. at the end of 2 years you have a choice...rededicate or move on to something else. so far this seems true. this could mean a relationship, career, hobby or whatever the case may be. in my particular case my former relationship change started taking place around the 2 year mark. we tried to make things work - but it didn't so we decided to move on. my career is becoming stagnant and i am creeping up on 2 years. will i rededicate or move on? seems pretty right on...or close enough to really be thought about.

people change. circumstances change. times change. what will we decide to do next?

a short week

i've gotta get back on my diet. i was doing so well but took a detour this weekend. that is on my agenda this week. i am exhausted and have to wake up at 5am...blah.

i'm ready for a fun and exciting weekend. amanda and wade's reception is saturday and then i think i am going to go out with the girlies for some action. wade and amanda got married saturday! that is exciting!

mom and dad are back from mexico with a successful surgery. dad has already lost a ton of weight and his pants are falling off of him :) it will be so weird to see the weighloss but it certainly makes me feel much better about their health.

i want to buy a house...but first i must pay off all of my debt....whoa...that could take FOREVER! well, i say all....maybe just some.

i better not go deeper in debt for a boob job like i had planned. i already set up a consultant meeting june 12 - but i may cancel. those few g's could go toward my car...or my loans and i think that would be the smartest move to make.

i have so many ideas but don't know how to put them in action. it is hard when i don't have the resources and really frusterating at the same time.

i just have to get a handle on myself...become solid as a rock and keep moving forward.

a short week. this is going to be marvelous :) :) :)

was it a date?

let the games begin!

the question....was tonight a date or not? i know what you are thinking. you are thinking that i am totally scandalous :) to have broken up a few weeks ago and now meeting someone else. well, maybe so...maybe not so.

one of my good friends from college has been calling me every day this week. he knows H and I and has even hung out with us in the past. he wanted to hang out last weekend - that's when i told him that me and H are not together anymore and i just wanted to stay in. obviously i am having to learn again how to go out, find plans for myself, act normal around others on my own, where the "line" is, and how to cope with my weird irational emotions.

so i agreed to go assuming we are going as "friends" which is what it actually was...but still felt that strange, awkward hmmmmmmm could this be a date feeling.

he picked up the tabs on everything. we went with another couple and ate dinner, went bowling, and then for some drinks and to listen to drunken idots sing kaeroke.

even though this was not a "date" with him picking up the tabs, me being single, etc. i just didn't know how to act. i tried to be myself but at the same time confused about what my actions should be.

i obviously don't like him like that right now and i am certainly not trying to find someone else - nor should this even be the issue. i've always had a "secret" childish thing for this guy. strangely because he is not even what i am looking for. maybe just because we were such cool friends in college and always had fun talking. he is also kinda cute so that helps.

i think his intention was at least to get some suga. i need some suga. but it is just not the time for that. i am not as wild and free spirited as i used to be. i have serious cautions and barriers up right now. i think he tried to pull a suave trick tonight....

as we were all leaving he said that he forgot his cigs in my car. um...i saw him buy 2 packs he carried just one into the bar - so as the other couple walked the other way...we went the other. i had to thank him for a lovely time and for picking up the tabs and he goes in for the goodnight awkward hug. and then he went for a KISS!!! we both turned away at the very last second. and then he spoke of another outing in the near future.

AHHHHHH! i don't know how to act anymore. i think he is wonderful but i don't want to "date him, date him" just hang out primarily as friends.

maybe he just doesn't care if he is a rebound or if i like him. maybe he was just being nice because he is my friend and i have been through a hard time. plus, he is genuinly a really good guy. i could totally be over reacting - but still. this is not my first rodeo.

i do not want to seem like an 'easy' girl which i am clearly not. i get pleasure at guys having to chase and work hard for me. honest truth....i NEED some sugar :-)

i had a large time tonight, but i must say that it was awkard and i have forgotten how to carry myself in times like this. patience grasshopper....it will come.

ROTH: Sausage Pasta

It's about flippin' time! Nothing fancy here. This is what I had to whip up the other night. We had no "real" food and I actually had a negative bank amount. It was actually delicious!

"Break the Bank Gas Prices"

Sausage Pasta

What You'll Need

Sausage

Macaronni pasta noodles

Spaghetti Sauce

Swiss Cheese

Parmesean Cheese

Italian Seasoning, garlic powder, salt

Caserole Dish

Directions

Scramble Sausage while cooking pasta noodles. Drain both. Mix spaghetti sauce into noodles & add seasonings to taste.

Scoop noodle mixture into bottom of dish. Add layer of cheese. Scoop sausage next. repeat until dish is full. Top with cheese!

Put in oven on 350 and heat thouroughly and until cheese melts on top!

Enjoy!!!

Slime, Streaks, & a Split

the POOL. you have no idea. i really wish i would have taken a picture of it several days ago. the thickest, greenest, slim & gook known to man. i seriously thought about calling a local college and letting the biology department come over for research. i have never personally had to get the pool going on my own - and let me tell you...it aint purdy.

i put enough shock and chlorine to kill a herd of buffalo. it knocked out most of the fungus. now i am waiting on the water to become clear, to vacuum, and to scoop the top! still a lot to do. i just got in from skimming and i hadn't even made a dent. the good news: it is SO much better than it was a few days ago.

i highlighted my hair :-) not too intense....just so blondage around the face. it makes a huge difference that's for sure. i like it. it's different and i was ready for some type of change. i think i will go even funkier and blonder in a few weeks! yay!

i am waiting on my friend to meet me for some walking action this afternoon. i didn't go yesterday so i have to go today. no excuses.

what else?

H and I met last night for a quick chat and dinner. we did not discuss us. only what we've been up to over the last few weeks. after about 45 minutes of awkward sentences and some grub we said our goodbyes. i gave him back his clothes and things from my house and we both split and went on our merry way.

it really wasn't sad - just weird. i mean, how can you go from being so close and "lovey dovey" to a strange "church hug" it just doesn't feel right. at all.

i am ready for a long weekend. it is Memorial Day holiday and i couldn't be more excited. i may go to the lake but that is just up in the air. i really don't care what i do. i'm just glad to have a day off!

Am I Back in Kindergarten?

i am quite livid at work right now. you know, we no longer get bonuses - which by the way was a $4,000 pay cut this year. now they said if we have to go to a doctor apointment that can not be done on our exact lunch hour, we have to take a half a day vacation. Um, that is rediculious. so, instead of just taking a later lunch or what not, we must take a half a day. this is so crazy. i actually had to cancel my dermatologist apointment tomorrow because of this. because if i went to my apointment which was at 11:20 (and would be done and back at work by 12:20) i would have had to take a half of a day vacation. puhleeze.

truly it still is hard to keep a dr. apointment under one hour. considering lunchtime traffic it may take 15 min to get there and 15 minutes to return. when i went to the dr. in the past i would only be like 15 minutes late getting back from lunch and would just work 15 minutes later at the end of the day.

i am really getting sick of this. how intense can you really be? last time i checked to...i was not an hourly paid employee. i understand when people take advantage...be I HAVE WARTS UNDER MY FINGERNAILS that are SPREADING to my toes! i will not be taking a vacation day for just 15 minutes.

sometimes i just want to scream as loud as i possibly can!

Saturday Bliss

i have changed my myspace information. you know, because whatever something says on myspace these days might as well be 'the law.' my status now is single and i have a picture of just me as my heading. it kind of feels good to be this way. i know after this week that the BF and i will never get back together. he is not what i want for a lifetime and i disagree with a lot of his recent actions. deep down this is what i was looking for - but i just didn't think it would all happen so quickly. so, we are done, toast, kaput.

i am laying out and scoping the internet this afternoon. i am hoping to get an awesome tan. i am researching for job opportunities and also master degree programs. Joanna, you may be happy to know that i actually looked into FSU and UF for advertising and PR master degrees! that would be fun! i don't know yet if i have a high enough undergraduate GPA to enter and i have yet to take the GRE enterance test. but i can do that any weekend. i can not, however, change my GPA. it may be that i can't be accepted...but by god i will try. i don't want to have to take out student loans...so my immediate thought is to try to find a job that would pay for a graduate degree. we shall see how far that idea takes me...

tonight is the bachelorette party. it should be fun although i feel like poo today *silly night last night* i will be getting ready for that after while in my new blue scandalous dress :)

tomorrow we will clean out our pool for real. my grand dad is comming over to help get the pump and vacuum running because my bro and i don't know how. sad. but true. so we will have a clean pool to dip into in time for my cousins b'day party and for friends and fun summer days.

excited!!!

New Room Pics

Drumroll please!





I finally had a chance to add my new room pictures. i really needed a change. the purple walls just were not doing it for me anymore. i love it now - and i know the pics won't give it justice but it is worth a shot! the mystery color is "Spearmint Frost." I chose it because it is so mellow but still fun. it took a whole week for me to finish but it is DONE! Take a peek:

The Before:

The Inspiration:

The after:

That's a wrap!

Possible Job Lead

My room is complete. It was a nice project to work on. i haven't taken any pictures yet but they will come. i must say that i LOVE it!

after many months, i have finally finished my resume. i lost the copy i had for my resume right out of college so i had to re-create the whole thing. i have a job lead! YAY! sadly, i don't even know the name lol. my cousins - husbands - sister apparently has tons of connection in a local company and they are hiring (unlike everyone else around here). i told him the salary i wanted and he said that she started out where i wanted to be. SWEET! if i get the job and the salary i want...i will be all on it :) and SUPER HAPPY! I must have an interview first.

things are looking up at this point. i took off work today to heal and have some me time - which was nice and will be back to work tomorrow.

the weekend should be interesting. no plans tomorrow night. a bachelorette party saturday (haven't went out with girls in probably 2 years), and maybe church sunday! maybe there will be fun times :)

The Only Thing That Stays the Same...

is that everything changes.

Bizarre. wow. this week has been insane. so, i guess i now have another ex boyfriend.

three years of a wonderful relationship squelched in just 2 weeks. TWO WEEKS! it all is a little much to handle. i have been handling things well right now - but i am in a daze. i don't know what hit me.

the truth is...i don't even know what to say. i can't really describe my feelings. it is bitter sweet. i am free as a bird again - but devistated at the same time. just to know that we couldn't make it over our first really major issue.

i haven't spoken to him in 3 days. however, i am about to call him and see when he wants to get his things.

i have re-painted my room *finally* and bought some new cute pillows. and yes, the color is a surprise :0)

now i have to come up with some plan. the freedom and the future is vast at this point. as silly as it sounds...not having any strings attached to anything here is very frightening.

i have thought about changing everything. starting with my bedroom. next a new job. next a new hairstyle and body (from working out), friends, location, and clothes. not that i don't like who am i am....i am just unhappy about where i am at right now.

ahhhhhh...

i will say my goodbyes, but will be back regular soon. i am almost over this current bummer and there will probably be way more juicy details about my life to come. at least hopefully.

now my themesong plays as my post closes..."Another One Bites the Dust" :-)

Starting Over...

i feel weird. thats the only way i know to describe this. i am OK and i am not a basket case - but i feel like i am in a dream. i feel like i have lost my best friend. i don't know what to do next. and i certainly don't know where to find single people (i'm not ready for that yet though). i'm just going through the motions with a few tears along the way.

i thought i had found 'the one' and now i've just found out that i haven't. i will have to start anew again. except now i have to find my independence too along the way.

he called yeterday and asked if i would go to church with him this morning. i had to decline. we were supposed to join together next weekend. it is just awkward right now and i feel best not to go and not to join.

all i know is that this is going to be hard. but my best friend (since grade school) and her BF of 6 years just broke up too so i guess we will be going through this together!

she and i went hiking yesterday to get away from all of our stress. we hiked to a beautiful waterfall. it was great exercise and fun to see nature. even though i didn't have much to say or a lot of smiles to release - it was very theraputic!

today i will be job searching. who knows, i could potentially move somewhere else! afterall i am free to do that now.

now i am going to have to learn to put a positive spin on this - which still every idea i have sucks.

grrrrhhhhh....

seperation...

we are seperated. which i think is a nice way to say currently broken up. I went to his new apt last night and we talked. we mutually decided that we need space. he doesn't want to date anyone else, and neither do i. but we need to get our act straight. he will be applying to med school and disclosed that we would not be married during that time. i don't want to wait until i am 30 to start my life and be married. that just doesn't make sense. he feels that it would be unfair to me because he would never be around.

so that's where we are. now, i need to figure out what i am supposed to do. i'm not so sure what this 'gray' area really means.

R&R

relaxation. i am actually sitting on my couch - bundled in a blanket tonight. this is rare. are you smarter than a fifth grader is on the tube. sadly, i can't answer some of this questions!!! that is pitiful. but if you have ever watched - you know that most people don't know all of the questions so i don't feel THAT bad.

i feel better today. finally :-)

now it is time to kick up my feet for some R&R!

Hump Day

McDonalds rox my sox. now any size drink is $1. that is awesome. i always get a grilled snack wrap (honey mustard) for lunch. this has been going on for like, 6 months!!! Yes, its getting old - but still low cal and super cheap. yesterday, i realized that i could get a large drink for a buck too! SCORE!

I have also started running in the afternoons. I have upped my slight walk to some jogging. it makes me feel great and will hopefully burn some xtra calories.

H has finally got an apartment. he started moving in today. i have not gotten to see it yet - but i will Friday. i'll help him clean things up and settle in.

aside me FINALLY getting to see my boyfriend more (i've been excited for so long) - i have had a hard time getting a grip on what all as been going on.

after all the drama i've felt over the last 2 weeks, H decided not to answer my phone calls night before last at all. no answer and no call back. yesterday i thought i was going to lose it. last straw. i had almost made myself sick i was so mad. all i could do was hold my cool. i wanted to break up. i wanted to run. instead i just explained that the way he was acting was not cool and he must answer the phone if he wants me to be happy because there is no reason for that. he appologized, said that he promised he fell asleep (which i know is not true) and would answer my calls.

well, he has upheld to that. first time in months he has started answering me. i love him, i truly do but this has still just been bizarre. seeing as i only have 2 choice (stay or leave) i guess i am going to stay. i don't guess my BF can always be flawless as i have always expected. that truly is unrealistic.

so, that is where i am on that. crazy.

but, i must go see my future cousin-in-law in enough time to come home for a deaceant bedtime!

Sunny Sunday

gooood morning! it is a beautiful sunday - the sun is shining and there is not a cloud in the sky. i did skip out on church unfortunatly. i was just exhausted this morning.
-
last night my friend and i wanted to go to the crawfish boil. we would have only had enough time to catch gavin degraw and fergie. we ended up not going - seeing as we had NO IDEA how to get to the location in downtown birmingham and it would have just been us two girls. birmingham has gotten way to dangerous for that. about a month ago a girl got shot outside of one of the bars on southside. no reason at all.

we decided to meet up with 2 of my old college pals. jamie is recently single - and dustin is single as well. we met up impromtu for some bar food, pool, and a redneck night on the town.

it was not a date, but i think they both had fun. i was stuck with a recently married man (my friend whose wedding i went to a few weeks ago). so - it all worked out perfectly.

i was awakended by a call from my brother at the crack this morning because he and 4 of his friends were stranded at a party last night. they had no way home. so i had to go pick them up. i know jacob would do the same for me of course.

i have a lot of cleaning to do today. the house is horrific. i may even help my brother clean his room (IF AND ONLY IF he helps). it truly is a monster.

H will be coming back from the beach today. but i still won't get to see him. he will be going back to montgomery (home town) to visit his folks and a dentist appointment. his mom is a dentist so obviously that is who he goes to.

he still hasnt' got word on when he can move into his apartment. so i couldn't tell you what is going on.

other than that - i'm just thankful to be here!!! even though i am sad that the weekend is coming to an end.

It takes 2!

surprise! personal information about to be revealed. i am researching getting a boob job. i said it. i want one really, really, really bad. i've always though about it, but never made the step to really consider doing it. this is exciting!!!

now, i have never really been self concious about my boobs - but those who know me know that i just don't have a lot to work with. it would just be nice to know that i have boobs! seriously. i will probably just walk around naked once i have them lol.

the scariest part is finding a doctor. my gosh, i don't want to just pick someone out at random. plus the price. insurance doesn't cover cosmetics in vein. so, that is why i must have a boob job piggy bank!

i've always wanted to wait until i had babies and breast fed to get one - but, i will be too old to really care about that so much by the time i DO FINALLY get to have a baby. so why wait?

i already know that i will not be getting silicone, i will want saliene. however, i did read that in the future - boob jobs will be filled with soybean oil or something else organic. i don't see what is bad about saliene. if anything happens, your bod just absorbs it right up!

its sad when i am considering not paying off my car and getting a boob job instead. but i want it done!!!!

those reading: i am not going to get anything outlandish or size FF. it will just be a normal size. that's all i am asking!!!

i'm sure there will be more to follow!

Walk - the - Walk

My cousin and I walk several afternoons out of the week. We thought that it would be fun to take some unusual pictures around town.

The Good Ole Days ...

& we though gas was bad then

Nothing like a monsturous mural on the side of a building!

The graveyard. A reminder of what's to come.

Bikes on Parade

The way I felt last week (and still feel like it)

Hmmmm...new store? I don't think White Pride would go over so well.

SMILE God loves you! (that's what the window says up close)