Starting Over...

i feel weird. thats the only way i know to describe this. i am OK and i am not a basket case - but i feel like i am in a dream. i feel like i have lost my best friend. i don't know what to do next. and i certainly don't know where to find single people (i'm not ready for that yet though). i'm just going through the motions with a few tears along the way.

i thought i had found 'the one' and now i've just found out that i haven't. i will have to start anew again. except now i have to find my independence too along the way.

he called yeterday and asked if i would go to church with him this morning. i had to decline. we were supposed to join together next weekend. it is just awkward right now and i feel best not to go and not to join.

all i know is that this is going to be hard. but my best friend (since grade school) and her BF of 6 years just broke up too so i guess we will be going through this together!

she and i went hiking yesterday to get away from all of our stress. we hiked to a beautiful waterfall. it was great exercise and fun to see nature. even though i didn't have much to say or a lot of smiles to release - it was very theraputic!

today i will be job searching. who knows, i could potentially move somewhere else! afterall i am free to do that now.

now i am going to have to learn to put a positive spin on this - which still every idea i have sucks.

grrrrhhhhh....

seperation...

we are seperated. which i think is a nice way to say currently broken up. I went to his new apt last night and we talked. we mutually decided that we need space. he doesn't want to date anyone else, and neither do i. but we need to get our act straight. he will be applying to med school and disclosed that we would not be married during that time. i don't want to wait until i am 30 to start my life and be married. that just doesn't make sense. he feels that it would be unfair to me because he would never be around.

so that's where we are. now, i need to figure out what i am supposed to do. i'm not so sure what this 'gray' area really means.

R&R

relaxation. i am actually sitting on my couch - bundled in a blanket tonight. this is rare. are you smarter than a fifth grader is on the tube. sadly, i can't answer some of this questions!!! that is pitiful. but if you have ever watched - you know that most people don't know all of the questions so i don't feel THAT bad.

i feel better today. finally :-)

now it is time to kick up my feet for some R&R!

Hump Day

McDonalds rox my sox. now any size drink is $1. that is awesome. i always get a grilled snack wrap (honey mustard) for lunch. this has been going on for like, 6 months!!! Yes, its getting old - but still low cal and super cheap. yesterday, i realized that i could get a large drink for a buck too! SCORE!

I have also started running in the afternoons. I have upped my slight walk to some jogging. it makes me feel great and will hopefully burn some xtra calories.

H has finally got an apartment. he started moving in today. i have not gotten to see it yet - but i will Friday. i'll help him clean things up and settle in.

aside me FINALLY getting to see my boyfriend more (i've been excited for so long) - i have had a hard time getting a grip on what all as been going on.

after all the drama i've felt over the last 2 weeks, H decided not to answer my phone calls night before last at all. no answer and no call back. yesterday i thought i was going to lose it. last straw. i had almost made myself sick i was so mad. all i could do was hold my cool. i wanted to break up. i wanted to run. instead i just explained that the way he was acting was not cool and he must answer the phone if he wants me to be happy because there is no reason for that. he appologized, said that he promised he fell asleep (which i know is not true) and would answer my calls.

well, he has upheld to that. first time in months he has started answering me. i love him, i truly do but this has still just been bizarre. seeing as i only have 2 choice (stay or leave) i guess i am going to stay. i don't guess my BF can always be flawless as i have always expected. that truly is unrealistic.

so, that is where i am on that. crazy.

but, i must go see my future cousin-in-law in enough time to come home for a deaceant bedtime!

Sunny Sunday

gooood morning! it is a beautiful sunday - the sun is shining and there is not a cloud in the sky. i did skip out on church unfortunatly. i was just exhausted this morning.
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last night my friend and i wanted to go to the crawfish boil. we would have only had enough time to catch gavin degraw and fergie. we ended up not going - seeing as we had NO IDEA how to get to the location in downtown birmingham and it would have just been us two girls. birmingham has gotten way to dangerous for that. about a month ago a girl got shot outside of one of the bars on southside. no reason at all.

we decided to meet up with 2 of my old college pals. jamie is recently single - and dustin is single as well. we met up impromtu for some bar food, pool, and a redneck night on the town.

it was not a date, but i think they both had fun. i was stuck with a recently married man (my friend whose wedding i went to a few weeks ago). so - it all worked out perfectly.

i was awakended by a call from my brother at the crack this morning because he and 4 of his friends were stranded at a party last night. they had no way home. so i had to go pick them up. i know jacob would do the same for me of course.

i have a lot of cleaning to do today. the house is horrific. i may even help my brother clean his room (IF AND ONLY IF he helps). it truly is a monster.

H will be coming back from the beach today. but i still won't get to see him. he will be going back to montgomery (home town) to visit his folks and a dentist appointment. his mom is a dentist so obviously that is who he goes to.

he still hasnt' got word on when he can move into his apartment. so i couldn't tell you what is going on.

other than that - i'm just thankful to be here!!! even though i am sad that the weekend is coming to an end.

It takes 2!

surprise! personal information about to be revealed. i am researching getting a boob job. i said it. i want one really, really, really bad. i've always though about it, but never made the step to really consider doing it. this is exciting!!!

now, i have never really been self concious about my boobs - but those who know me know that i just don't have a lot to work with. it would just be nice to know that i have boobs! seriously. i will probably just walk around naked once i have them lol.

the scariest part is finding a doctor. my gosh, i don't want to just pick someone out at random. plus the price. insurance doesn't cover cosmetics in vein. so, that is why i must have a boob job piggy bank!

i've always wanted to wait until i had babies and breast fed to get one - but, i will be too old to really care about that so much by the time i DO FINALLY get to have a baby. so why wait?

i already know that i will not be getting silicone, i will want saliene. however, i did read that in the future - boob jobs will be filled with soybean oil or something else organic. i don't see what is bad about saliene. if anything happens, your bod just absorbs it right up!

its sad when i am considering not paying off my car and getting a boob job instead. but i want it done!!!!

those reading: i am not going to get anything outlandish or size FF. it will just be a normal size. that's all i am asking!!!

i'm sure there will be more to follow!

Walk - the - Walk

My cousin and I walk several afternoons out of the week. We thought that it would be fun to take some unusual pictures around town.

The Good Ole Days ...

& we though gas was bad then

Nothing like a monsturous mural on the side of a building!

The graveyard. A reminder of what's to come.

Bikes on Parade

The way I felt last week (and still feel like it)

Hmmmm...new store? I don't think White Pride would go over so well.

SMILE God loves you! (that's what the window says up close)